Peanut Butter & Celery Sticks
by Lazy Wonder
Summary: Celery sticks with peanut butter, breaking and entering, drunk apologies and an angry pregnant woman. A Rolf Scamander / Luna Lovegood fic.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hello everyone. This is simply a short something about Rolf and Luna. Do forgive me if the characters don't meet up to your expectations. I do my best to channel canons; therefore, don't bite my head off please. Enjoy reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Peanut butter and celery sticks; my favorite combination to snack on. I'm not sure why people find peanut butter and celery sticks bizarre and ew. It's a really healthy snack; gives you a kick of energy and, peanut butter and celery sticks taste scrumptious in any situation. Like right now, it tasted bloody fantastic while I broke the window of a house. **

Breaking and entering, bitches. YOLO!

I remember feeling badass. So badass that I wasn't even aware that my elbow, which I had used to break the window, was bleeding and covered in shards of glass. And I still remained badass after the fifth attempt to climb through the window. Shut up, the window was too high for me to successfully climb through the first time.

I slid in halfway through the window, took the curtains down with me and hit the carpet floor with a thud. Badass. My last peanut butter covered celery stick stuck out at the corner of my mouth like a fat Cuban cigar and that only boosted my badassery since I totally did imagined the celery as a cigar.

Rolf Bond; Britain's finest wizard agent, licensed to break and enter. Mixing peanut butter and celery sticks with girls and thri- SMACK!

What the Merlin fuck!?


	3. Chapter 3

What the Merlin fuck!?

Once I registered that there was a cricket bat swinging towards the side of my face, it was too late to dodge and I was smacked by it with so much force that I was sure I twirled like a ballerina before hitting the floor again.

"Blimey.." I murmured. Mind and room still twirling.

"Oh Nargles, Rolf! Rolf, are you alright?" I felt a delicate hand land on my shoulder and lightly shake me before she moved it onto my tender cheek. "Rolf, Darling, say something please. Are you alright?" I blinked a couple of times until I stopped seeing multiple Luna Lovegoods. Sunny eyes met her silver ones, always so enchanting, and I was charmed again; remembering why I have broke in the first place.

"My peanut butter covered celery cigar. You smashed it."

"Your .. What?"

Not the words I had gathered in my mind. I was suppose to say, "Sweetie, I'm sorry. Take me back? I love you."

But my mouth was as drunk as I was.

I saw anger fire back up in her beautiful eyes and she slapped my tender, aching red cheek. FUCKING UNICORN TURD! ... I decided to cry over that one the next morning.

"Where HAVE you BEEN?!" Luna demanded for answer. Merlin, she was so cute when demanding. "Do you know what time it is, Scamander?" Scamander. I loved the way she rolled my name off of her tongue. It sounded a lot more attractive when she said it, especially when she said it in anger. It sounded like a growl. "Well! Do you?! It's three in the fucking morning, Rolf! Where have you been? And why the bloody fuck did you break the window?! I thought you were a burglar. You're lucky I used the bat and not my wand, Scamander. Are you even listening to me?!"

No, I wasn't.


	4. Chapter 4

No, I wasn't.

And that wasn't a wise choice when dealing with an angry pregnant woman. It was never a wise choice. Am I right or am I right? But I couldn't help it. Luna Lovegood looked so damn sexy when angry.

I couldn't resist. I just sat there and watched with admiration and amusement while she flailed her arms around and curse, which she rarely did. I was the only one who managed to bring that side of her out. It may not be something to brag about, but man, she was so damn sexy. I just wanted to shut her up by pressing my lips against hers, rip that golden silk nightgown off of her and just do it. I didn't care if she was already pregnant with my children. I wanted her.

Luckily, for all you readers who are like "Holy shit dude, keep it in your pants!", I only made it to the kissing part.


End file.
